Petrelis Files

WH tapes: Tours by Bush, Cheney, Rove, Card, McClellan, Fleischer, Laura & Lynne

None of the Bush administration tour guides who shepherd viewers through brief online tours of select rooms at the White House come close to measuring up to Mrs. Jackie Kennedy's televised tour of the White House back in the '60's, but the BushCo videos are still fun to watch.

Let's start with Dubya's awkward tour of the Oval Office, and insight into what is always on the front burner of his mind: the Crawford ranch and vacations.

Looking at a picture of Texas blue bonnets painted by a local artist, Bush says:

"This kind of reminds me of our ranch in the Crawford area. And even though I don't get to spend as much time as I'd like to ... just looking at the picture kind of reminds me of the place Laura and I love."

Yes, the president who is setting records for unearned vacation days, while the nation is at war, complains he doesn't get enough to work on his ranch.

Dick Cheney gives a grandfatherly talk about the Veep's ceremonial room in the Old Executive Office Building. The most interesting part is when Cheney pulls opens the drawer of an enormous meeting table first used by Teddy Roosevelt. Inside we see every recent Veep has carved his name and a date into the wood. I wonder if that qualifies as defacing federal property?

Next up, Laura Bush in her best Stepford Wife mode, serves as hostess for a tour of the Diplomatic Reception Room. 'Nuff said.

My favorite tour is the one hosted by Karl Rove as he strolls about the Roosevelt Room, all nasally-sounding and holding a few pages of notes that he never looks at, and constantly nervously twists in his hands.

For sheer homage to "Groundhog Day," nothing beats the two tours of the Brady Press Room. The first tour is conducted by Ari Fleischer and the second one hosted by Scott McClellan. Ari and Scotty follow the same script, with practically the same lines, the lazy bums!


McClellan's tour is highlighted by special attention on Helen Thomas, her decades of covering the White House, how briefings don't end until she says "Thank you," and a close up of her engraved brass name plate on a front row seat. He also lifts up the trap door over what once was FDR's swimming pool.

As a special treat, McClellan take us into the press cubicles where we see a sign from CBS News. It reads: "Unnamed sources with leaks welcome here!"

Fleischer's tour is shorter than his successor's, without a backstage look at reporters' work stations.


I never knew how boring Andy Card is until I watched his dull tour of the Cabinet Room. Card lays on the references to September 11, 2001, fast and heavy at the end.


Lynne Cheney starts her tour of the Veep's residence with the family's two dogs around her, barking at each other and focuses much time on the art in the mansion.

I will be very happy when these folks exit the White House in January 2009.