Petrelis Files

Hoax: Jews Kept Out of
CA Gay Marriage Organizing

A note very critical of recent alleged San Francisco actions about gay marriage and some key players in the battle came my way this morning, from a man I've never heard of before, Bob Numerof.

His charges piqued my curiosity and I checked around the Courage Campaign web site and other places for any info on the meetings he claimed had taken place. Here is his full email, misspellings and all:

As an active member of the San Francisco Queer Jewish Community I am deeply troubled by how the Repeal Prop 8 in 2010 Campaign is proceeding. The meeting to elect a governing committee was held on the Ros Haskahan, the second holiest day in the Jewish Calendar. And it was held in a Church during the hours when all observant Jews such as myself could not attend. This shut religious leaders from the Jewish Community out of the campaign leadership.

Then yesterday, on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, Steve Hildenbarnt, the Obama campaign consultant hired by Courage Campaign held a meeting in San Francisco about the campaign and how to include clergy during the final most important service -- holding a meeting about including clergy on the most religious day of the year for Jews demonstrates that either a deliberate attempt to exclude us, incompetence or mischief. I worry it is the latter.

When I called Courage Campaign's number I got a voicemail and no response. I have had no replies to my emails about this. I called Chaz Lowe from Yes on Equality last night when returning from Temple who said he was told that the reason these dates were picked was to keep EQCA's three senior staff from being able to get elected or participate and ask questions as Geff Kors, Mark Solomon and Alice Kessler are all Jewish and therefore would be in Temple. Chaz said this was clever. It is not clever.

We cannot allow outsiders like Rick Jacobs and Steve Hildenbarnt run a campaign in 2010 while excluding the one religious community that is most supportive or our major organization. It is a new year in the Jewish Calendar and time to be inclusive of all.

I forwarded that note to Steve and he sent this reply, also posted without any cuts or edits, and the bolding is his:

In order to address the specific suggestions of Mr. Numerof, I would hope and expect my response to be used in full on your blog.

The Courage Campaign and I have no role in the IAG, so the decision to hold those elections on any particular day is not our responsibility.

Regarding myself and my “outsider” Jewish colleague Rick Jacobs – neither of us are running, leading or managing a campaign to repeal Prop 8 in 2010. The Courage Campaign has not yet taken a formal position for involvement in 2010.

Several weeks ago, I was invited to speak at the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco with the date of the speech to be held on 9/28. I was only able to be in the city for the one day and while there, I wanted to fill my schedule with several meetings. One of those meetings was with a small group of progressive clergy who I have been wanting to meet with for some time now. We mutually agreed to hold a short meeting after my speech at the Commonwealth Club since these folks were attending the speech anyway. But because it was Yom Kippur, we also agreed that we would get together on my next trip to SF with all folks involved in the progressive faith community in the Bay Area.

The suggestion that I or anyone involved with the Courage Campaign would be involved in any effort to exclude the Jewish Community or anyone else, is completely wrong. My style is to be very inclusive and that is an operating standard embraced by Rick Jacobs and the Courage Campaign.

I very much look forward to my next trip to San Francisco to have a full and thorough conversation with clergy in the Bay Area. I hope Mr. Numerof will be available to meet either one-on-one and/or with the full group. I’m sorry he didn’t reach out to me directly with his concerns. I am very approachable and most think I’m pretty reasonable. Making attacks and having to respond to them through a blogger is not the best way to handle concerns like this.

Good to get a reply and have his clarifications, but I felt slighted by Steve's last complaint about replying through me, a blogger, and conveyed that to him. I asked if he made similar requests to traditional print media, to which he replied:

If you want me to work with and be responsive to you, I would like you to use my response in full. I will rarely ask you to do that, but the charges leveled by this guy at me and the CC are not accurate and deserve a clean response. I have no problems with bloggers as long as they are responsible. I do have a problem with people who think I’ve done something wrong or acted inappropriately, to attack me in a public forum without ever discussing those concerns with me directly.

You asked for a response and I gave you one. I hope that puts this to rest.

Hey, I'm just trying to sunshine what this argument is about, and keep tabs, as best I can without attending all of the meetings, demonstrations and summits taking place in San Francisco these days regarding gay marriage, and I feel the real issue here is between Numerof and people named in his note.

As I waited for Numerof to reply to follow up questions, I spoke with Cynthia Laird at the Bay Area Reporter and she said she was also waiting for him to respond to her concerns. I went back to Numerof's email and noticed his name was misspelled in the "From" line: "bob numeros ". Hmmm, something's not right here.

I found a phone number for Numerof, called it and got his partner, Robert Shepard, on the phone. Long story short: the email's a hoax, Numerof is traveling, didn't and wouldn't send such an email, and the boyfriend thanked me for calling to check out any truth to the note. I was punk'd.

Robert and I had long and productive phone chat, agreeing on many points, especially the dysfunctional ways of the CA gay community, which extends from the many unresolved problems of last year's No on 8 debacle. We both wanted to continue the talk over some coffee, but Robert and Bob are in the final days of moving from Berkeley down to Los Angeles, and he has no time for a face-to-face chat.

However, he said one good thing to come out of this hoax was our conversation, from which, I have to say, I learned about his similar concerns that CA's gay community needs a lot more accountability and post-Prop 8 healing before we will see truly functional and effective statewide political coordination.

So, why post this to my blog? To show just a small example of the large dysfunctional atmosphere hovering over the state's gay marriage fight and our overall battle for gay liberation in the Golden State. Maybe this exposure will one day lead us to better organizing.

Memo to the hoaxer: Consider coming out of the closet with your criticisms and concerns and stop hiding behind another gay man's name.