Wednesday, August 11, 2010


Gay Scout Merit Badge for

Recruiting Mormon Boys


(Elder Rockwell, left, with Bibles in hand, and I can't remember the shorter boy's name.)

It was a classic homo moment. I was riding my bike down 21st Street in the Mission when I saw these two Mormon recruiters walking toward a bodega, and my eyes undressed them to just jock straps and Birkenstock sandals, before thinking how nice they would look at the upcoming Folsom Street Fair, taking in the fleshy sights.

As part of my responsibility as a gay liberation activist, I believe in recruiting new members to the tribe, so I struck up a conversation with them. I asked the boys if I could recruit them into the homosexual lifestyle. They laughed and I snapped their photos. Regular Chatty Cathys, they were, replying to my prying questions.

(So adorable they deserve a second photo in this essay.)
The big guy on the left just arrived in town this week, from Colorado, is here for six months, loves football and didn't want to know about joining a medical marijuana dispensary. His fellow recruiter has been here six months, enjoys practicing his Spanish primarily at the 16th Street BART plaza and hails from Alberta, Canada.

My final success at getting them to laugh came when I said they were way way way too young to be addressed as Elder Whatever. "You should call me Elder Michael," I said. "I'll look for you boys at BART plaza and make sure San Francisco is treating you good."

Longtime readers of this blog may recall my first and second 2007 attempts to recruit this Mormon boy, Elder Adams:


And don't forget about my 2008 effort with this Mormon boy, while riding the 22 Fillmore bus:


I believe the public record shows I have performed admirably in my effort to win a Gay Scout Merit Badge for Recruiting Mormon Boys, don't you?

13 comments:

shibi04 said...

I love it! But, where do they hide these cute Cathys at night, when they stay in our fair city? Do tell!!!

Anonymous said...

They knocked on my door in Millbrae on Tuesday Aug. 10th. I almost knocked them over with pot smoke when I opened the door.

Todd X. said...

I hoped you gave the shorter one some tie advice. They may hate us for our lifestyles, but they'll love us for our fashion styles.

Anonymous said...

So is it ok to make fun of someone's religion if the target is a Mormon?

Anonymous said...

Not all gays are into fashion so please don't use that lame stereotype.

Thanks.

Jackson said...

Uff, that one on the 22 bus...As a proud non-believer I reserve the right to undress those mormon twinks with my eyes on a regular basis. I don't think Michael was making fun of them, plus that's what they get for sending their most viril breeding stock into the world with nothing but a name badge and a smile.

DJDeedle said...

It's okay to make fun of anyone's religion, always. We only need respect their right to believe what they want. We are never required to respect whatever nonsense they believe. Plus, if they are putting themselves out there to try to convince you to believe their nonsense, as Mormon missionaries do, they've opened the door to be ridiculed, or to be convinced that their beliefs are utter crap.

RogerWV said...

I remember when TWO young men - dressed in BLACK pants, white shirt, the tie - YEP, the Mormons came to WITNESS to me as I was working in my yard. When I asked about their churches stand on homosexuality - one completely shut down - but the other TRIED to share with me that the CHURCH loved ALL people - JUST not the sin. AS I was a bit HOT from working in the yard I looked him STRAIGHT in the eye and asked "Where should I buy my slave? Canada or Mexico?" He was taken aback - tried to pull his composure and state that THAT part of Leviticus no longer applies. When I asked him WHO gets to make that choice his answer was JESUS. I then asked him to open the book he was carrying and SHOW me WHERE Jesus shows his disdain for being gay - and of course he could not. With that I thanked them both - and they walked away. It was several weeks later at an outdoor concert RIGHT here in CHARLESTON, West Virginia - as I stood among several thousand fans listening to some good country music - I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around - it was the QUIET Mormon standing there. All he could say was THANK you without crying - and then he was gone. God DID send him to my house that day - but not for what his church had told him - HE HEARD my WITNESSING - and maybe for the first time he felt HE was OK exactly like he was. I don’t know what became of either, and I do not know WHAT will become of all of us... but I know ONE THING - things are changing!

Sidelines said...

I think we should give Elder Michael a toaster oven, already. And I have to pass this on, as it must be some Divine coincidence: the security code word I have to enter in order to post it is "uncult"! I couldn't have made that up!

A Fruit 4 Thought said...

Too bad some of the gay media can't take a joke. Turning conversion of its head is a great way to show how ridiculous ideas of the "homosexual lifestyle" really are.

To RogerWV: That's beautiful. I'm sure you made a difference in that kid's life.

Anonymous said...

My relatives live in Utah and we used to always joke about the women that went to BYU to get a man when so many of them were gay. There are as many gay and lesbian Mormon's as there are Gay and lesbian Catholics.

Anonymous said...

So is it ok to make fun of someone's religion if the target is a Mormon?

Religion is a chosen lifestyle. Why should it be off limits for criticism or even ridicule? Nobody demands people be exempt from question, criticism or even ridicule for their political or social beliefs, so why should they be exempt for their religious beliefs?

Furthermore, religious people use their chosen beliefs as an excuse to harm people, and refuse to respect our basic humanity. They therefore lose any right they may have had to demand respect for their beliefs.

mbuitron said...

The Canuck is Elder Mower. How do I know? I'll never tell! ;)