Petrelis Files

SF's 'Secret' Nov 20 Town Hall on Gay Marriage

I gave Molly "control queen" McKay a call today. She's the leader of CA's Marriage Equality organization, which is putting on a public forum this Thursday about the Prop 8 debacle. I called her to express my concerns that one had to RSVP and that the flyer announced how we were coming together to unite for the future battle. My concern is that RSVPing sounds so elitist and the unity angle, when we as a community haven't even had a town hall meeting yet just to vent about what was wrong with the No on 8 campaign, was premature.

Control queen McKay told me that such a meeting did happen on November 20 at the War Memorial Building. Huh? That meeting was postponed, at least that was what the Bay Area Reporter reported last week. Well, no it wasn't, McKay revealed.

About 100 people showed up even though the organizers had announced a cancellation, due to fears too many people would show up (we should all have such problems in community organizing), and that the actual town hall would take place on December 4.

So the well-attended November 20 happened, notes were taken, which McKay has graciously shared with me, and decisions were made about the agenda for this Thursday's meeting.

I explained to her that it was not okay that the local community, and our brothers and sisters around the nation mistakenly believe a community forum has not taken place here, when indeed it has, but McKay and her crew have failed to inform the rest of us of the proceeding.

We don't need more of this non-transparency and non-accountability from the like of McKay, who is supposed to be a different sort of community leader than Kate Kendell and Geoff Kors, but, just like them, McKay is a lawyer and pays lips service to openness and activism, but is really a control queen with a law degree.

I used to have respect for McKay, but it is diminished. As reported in the BAR, when asked by Kors and Kendell to stay in the closet, not run around the state in her trademark wedding dress, McKay quietly closed her closet door for the duration of the campaign. Why didn't she tell them to eff out, hit the campaign trail in her white dress and veil? Probably because she's of their ilk and not committed to transparent activism.

Enough of my thoughts on the failure of McKay and Marriage Equality to do the local gay community a small favor and let us know about the November 20 'secret' meeting that we all think didn't happen.

Here are the minutes from the meeting:

How do you feel hurt by Prop 8?

Anger was the most commonly expressed emotion. A few said they had thoughts of raising hell or rioting. Most expressed desire to channel that anger into organizing to repeal Prop 8 and win gay marriage.

Dumbfounded, incredulous. Sad.

“I wasn’t much engaged before 11/4, but since the election a deep reservoir of anger and resentment has opened up at all of the ways in which we’re told we’re unequal. Reinvigorated my commitment to making change that fizzled out in the 1970s. Don’t lose focus, and harness the power of cold fury at what they’re trying to do to you.”

Our rights aren’t safe anymore, we have to stay the course to defend them.

(From a Catholic friar) Embarrassment at people of faith who militantly fought against us.

Suspicion/distrust of friends and colleagues, wondering if they voted my rights away.

Incredibly painful because some white gays have attacked black people.

Tired of white liberals and their racism.

Anger at No on 8 campaign – commercials never personalized us, ads were ridiculous, never mentioned “gay marriage”.

What was good about the No on 8 campaign

Labor movement came out full force to support us – we should’ve mentioned it at Saturday rally. Really good straight & gay coalition building.

Reasoning behind soft ads was to win over the on-the-fencers, a valid concern of not alienating people.

Newsletters and emails were good. Fundraising was creative.

Election day mobilization got props from many in the crowd.

Messaging was effective – it allowed religious voters to still oppose Prop 8. Effective during phone-banking.

Campaign had a good quick response to the Yes on 8 using Obama’s words.

Amount of money that came in, nationwide response.

Ability to come out to friends and family through the course of winning them to oppose Prop 8.

What could’ve been done better by the No on 8 campaign?

Articulate what marriage is actually about – how does it make our lives better to have marriage equality.

Put a face on discrimination – me and my family.

Campaign should’ve been out and proud, not closeted. That’s how the campaign to defeat the Brigg’s initiative succeeded, it’s what turned people on to us.

Campaign should’ve gone for a harder sell, been less reactive, take gloves off and take it TO the Yes on 8 side.

Message about inclusion (not just “diversity”) – don’t allow pitting of communities against each other, instead say that we want to “include” all into equal enjoyment of rights, including marriage. Messaging is secondary – the phone calls are most important. Talk to people about the personal experience of being a gay person, a real person, a good person. Put a face on the message. “Defending the family” is turf that we can fight on, we want freedom to define OUR family, OUR life.

Campaign should’ve had more grassroots stuff (rallies, forums, etc.) prior to election day to show our strength and solidarity across racial and religious lines.

The seriousness and possibility of the defeat wasn’t understood early enough.

We didn’t go after the disinformation well enough.

We should’ve had signs in multiple languages and outreached to minority communities.

Campaign just didn’t match Yes on 8 (bus tours, fasts, website, etc.)

Building racial solidarity for gay marriage also requires politics that lead gay leaders to speak out against racism and show solidarity in the other direction as well.

We didn’t sacrifice like the other side (people mortgaging homes, fasting, etc.)

Barack Obama didn’t support us – why not? He shouldn’t get a pass on this one – he should’ve kept his mouth shut rather than hurting our cause.

Show that gay people are of all stripes – black, women, asian, etc. And we should drop the semantics of “education” – it’s condescending to assume we’re the ones with perfect knowledge. We should’ve outreached to LGBT people of color, brought in allies of color like Dolores Huerta.

Campaign did not provide centralized leadership between various components and factions of No on 8 movement.

Target communities for outreach and next steps

Don’t attack Mormons. We have to reach them and other churchgoers with our message, we have to think about how to reach them.

Build bridges with other experienced activist groups. Try to link up with Obama campaign infrastructure b/c they’re winners.

We need a centralized, coordinated infrastructure for the fight to win gay marriage and repeal Prop 8. We need to consolidate and organize instead of being dispersed and split. We should have a board and directing body that represents our diverse community.

Come up with a slogan, a mantra.

Reclaim power of coming out – come out to those around us and explain how we’re treated unequally by society.

Contact OFFER (Org for Fellowship of Equal Rights?)

Connect Prop 8 and CA fight with national fight to win gay marriage and repeal DOMA.

We’re a very fractured community – we need to socialize and become one with each other. Where’s the LGBT Community Center in all this?

What are our plans with Equality California?

Use the word “demonstration” (connotes visibility) vs. “protest” (connotes anger)

Slogan suggestion (Fannie Lou Hamer): “Nobody’s free until everybody’s free!”

We need a focal point to rally our forces

Flood SF Chronicle with letters and articles