Petrelis Files

SF Chron: Radical Gay Army Soon Invading Iran,
CIA Sources Show Traces of Gays

Homo-humor from the very straight and likeable San Francisco Chronicle columnist John Carroll, whose daughter is an open lesbian, is on full-display today. This made me laugh and smile, while seeing some larger truths laid out in an American daily.
The Revolutionary Gay Army indeed! Mr Carroll is very familiar with the old Queer Nation rhetoric of the Nineties.

From today's Chronicle:

Our nation's gay leaders pronounced themselves "surprised" at Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's open admission that the long-rumored "gay gap" is real. CIA sources have been saying privately for some time that advanced satellite imaging has revealed traces of gays in the area around Tehran, but other pundits were skeptical. [...]

Now, in the wake of Ahmadinejad's candid admission, a team of gay proselytizers is being formed in a humanitarian effort to bring Iran up to First World standards. "Never let it be said," said Col. Tracy Leslie of the Revolutionary Gay Army, "that America sat idly by while another nation suffered through a decadeslong gay drought."

Leslie called for volunteers to help beef up the regular forces. [...]

Some gay people, he acknowledged, might refuse to serve. "That is, of course, their right. They are free to enjoy their gay communities, even though they are aware that entire towns halfway around the world might be without a single gay person."

But he added: "If those people would just look at their copies of the Homosexual Agenda, they would see no mention of borders there, no idea that one country is gayer than another. [...]"

Gay historian Lee Parker sought to place the problem in a historical context. "We must remember that ancient Persia was, in many ways, the cradle of homosexuality. Persian warriors were known to seal their brotherhood with sexual congress - as indeed were the Greeks. [...]"

Leaders of Gays for Iran have dubbed the initial push the "shock and awww" campaign. "It's sort of like shock that the gay army is here and awww they're pretty nice," said psychologist Parker Lee. "We believe that Iranians will like any group of Americans that doesn't try to kill them."

Lee indicated that cultural sensitivity training would be among the group's biggest concerns. "You can't just go in there and get all butch and start herding all the bears into one corner and explaining their role in the community to them. For one thing: whole lotta bears in Iran. And none of this choosing-up-sides butch-femme-butch-femme thing. That just does not reflect the diverse reality of the gay experience, and anyway, that distinction is very hard to make as long as burqas are firmly in place." [...]

"We may have to stay there for a long time," said Col. Leslie. "It's not a quagmire, though; it's an opportunity."

We're looking for a few good men who are looking for a few good men. Ask not what you can do for your country, ask instead what you can do for the people of Qom.